Retired Firefighters & Fire Service Personnel
www.ex-
Customer: I’ve been calling 700-
Operator: Where did you get that number, sir?
Customer: It’s on the door of your business.
Operator: Sir, those are the hours that we are open.
Actual call centre conversations
Samsung Electronics
Caller: Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?
Operator: I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.
Caller: On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax
machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now can you
give me the number for Jack?
Operator: I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?
Operator: Does the product name give you a clue?
Caller: (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in Europe)
If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the
steering heel to the other side of the car.
Directory Enquiries
Caller: I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please
Operator: I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?
Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: Woven? Are you sure?
Caller: Yes, That’s what it says on the label -
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.
Following the call below, the Help Desk employee was fired, however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organisation for ‘Termination without Cause’
Operator: Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help
you?
Caller: Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.
Operator: What sort of trouble?
Caller: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away.
Operator: Went away?
Caller: They disappeared.
Operator: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Caller: Nothing
Operator: Nothing??
Caller: It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.
Operator: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Caller: How do I tell?
Operator: Can you see the ‘C:prompt’ on the screen??
Caller: What’s a sea-
Operator: Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?
Caller: There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept
anything I type.
Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator??
Caller: What’s a monitor?
Operator: It’s the thing with a screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?
Caller: I don’t know.
Operator: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
here the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Caller: Yes, I think so.
Operator: Great, Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s
plugged into the wall.
Caller: Yes, it is.
Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of
it, not just one??
Caller: No.
Operator: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable.
Caller: Okay, here it is.
Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely
into the back of your computer.
Caller: I can’t reach.
Operator: OK. Well, can you see if it is??
Caller: No.
Operator: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over??
Caller: Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle –
it’s because it’s dark.
Operator: Dark??
Caller: Yes -
is coming in from the window.
Operator: Well, turn on the office light then.
Caller: I can’t
Operator: No? Why not??
Caller: Because there’s a power failure.
Operator: A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got
it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
Manuals and packing stuff that your computer came
in???
Caller: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Operator: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take
it back to the store you bought it from.
Caller: Really? Is it that bad?
Operator: Yes, I’m afraid it is.
Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Operator: Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!!!
Technical Support
Tech support: I need you to right-
Customer: OK.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-
Customer: No.
Tech Support: Ok. Right-
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK, Sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer:: Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’. Twice.
-
Tech Support: OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button
displayed?
Customer: Wow! How can you see my screen from there?
-
Caller: I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realised that I need it. So, if I
turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?
A lady died this past September, and MBNA bank billed her for October and November
for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and
interest on the monthly charge. The balance that had been €0.00, now is somewhere
around €60.00.
A family member placed a call to the MBNA Bank:
Caller: I am calling
to tell you that she died in January.
MBNA: The account was never closed and the late fees and
charges still apply.
Caller: Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.
MBNA: Since it is two months past due, it already has been.
Caller: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?
MBNA: Either report her account to the frauds division or
report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!
Caller: Do you think God will be mad at her?
MBNA: Excuse me?
Caller: Did you just get what I was telling you . . The part
about her Being Dead?
MBNA: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Caller: I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.
MBNA: The account was never closed and the late fees and
charges still apply.
Caller: You mean you want to collect from her estate?
MBNA: (Stammer) Are you her lawyer?
Caller: No, I'm her great nephew. (Lawyer info given)
MBNA: Could you fax us a certificate of death?
Caller: Sure. ( fax number is given )
After they get the fax:
MBNA: Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know
what more I can do to help.
Caller: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just
keep billing her. I don't think she will care.
MBNA: Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.
Caller: Would you like her new billing address?
MBNA: That might help.
Caller: Glasnevin Cemetry, Finglas Road , Dublin 11, Ireland ,
MBNA: Sir, that's a cemetery!
Caller: Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on
your planet?
MBNA were not available for comment when a reporter from the Irish Times rang.
